I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
