Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
