Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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