Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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