ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
