I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
