Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
