I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
