he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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