I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
