how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
