where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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