I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
