i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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