If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
