it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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