At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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