OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
