she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
