Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
