I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
