We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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