i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You smell like a Billy Joel song
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
