I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
