i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just wanna soil my oats bro
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
