Fuck appropriateness.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
