just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
