you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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