Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
