he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She announced her abortion via fbk
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
