Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
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