So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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