I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
