As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
