I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
