So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
