There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
