i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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