Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize