even my farts smell like vagina
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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