ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
