You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
