I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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