May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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