I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
