his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
