whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you traded sex for a burrito?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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