I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
