ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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