i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
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