Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
