No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
