It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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