i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Farmville is her only friend.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
