Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Im part way to drunk.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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