I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
