Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
