Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
