uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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