she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The beer is more important than you right now.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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