I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i wish my penis had a tongue
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
