I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
