I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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