dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Only a mothe r could love this liver
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize