Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
