Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
