We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
