Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
