There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
