did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
