Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
