fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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