Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
