ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
