Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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