her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
