If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
