I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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