She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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