in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
