you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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