this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
