Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
even my farts smell like vagina
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
