Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Randomize
