Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
