Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
