Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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