why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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