Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
