So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
