Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
