through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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