We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
