chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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