well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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