You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I love how my cats smell like pot.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
