thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
